RaNdoM Stuff

Driving to work
Not much to say
Not looking forward
To my crapy day

I hate my job
And that’s no lie
I hate it more
Then rapper rich guy

I’m at a red light
Grinding my teeth
Driver beside me
As white as a sheet

One look his way
He flashes a sign
Until the next stop
His ass will be mine

Stupid dumb jerk
His heads a boppin
My fist in his face
Soon he’ll be droppin

I get to the light
He’s rappin with shrill
I get out my car
Fists hard like cold steel

I’m at driver’s side
Ready to smash
He slams on the gas
He’s off in a flash

He smashed my big feet
And compressed my big toe
I limp to my car
Big flat feet in tow

I catch up with him
Big feet are a thumpin
Soon will be filled
His head with some lumpin

His hat to the side
Ghetto music blastin on
The next tune hell hear
Siren blastin with boom gone

I get to his car
He’s wearing gold chains
I pop the door open
Flat feet still in pain

He says where you from?
As I thump, thump away
Out pops gold tooth
His skin turnin grey

Now he’s restin
No longer rappin
Flah’n gang signs
Now he’s nappin

I got new gold chains
And flat feet to boot
And a new golden tooth
Right from the root

If you’re rich and your white
And think you're a gangsta
Take it from me
Your just a big wang'sta

Cool in my car
Jamming the tunes
Rude jerk on bike
Will soon sing the blues

He swerves in my lane
No safety in mind
When I stop the car
His head I will wined

Smash on my horn
He gives me the finger
Soon he will feel
A pain that will linger

I stop in the street
To kick his dumb ass
No big surprise
His jaw was like glass

His friend all a snarl
Lips fast a flapin
His jaw was like glass
He soon was a nappin

Back to my car
I go a struttin
Too bad for them both
They hit my hot button

To all you big jerks
Riding your bikes
The street is for cars
So go take a hike

Stay on the sidewalk
Or in the bike lane
Cuz when if you meet me
You’ll meet with pure pain

Stay out of the street you dense jerks!

Fresh hot made pastries
Dance in his head
While dozens of bon-bons
Melt on his bed

Time to get up
And get a good start
Countless gulped pastries
Some sweet and some tart

Fat jiggles undulating
When out for a walk
He’s better stop strolling
Lest be outlined with chalk

Working out at the gym
Getting my pump on
When I spot something sick
Plump dude, tight shirt on

Blubber jiggles out
From every which way
Fresh big Mack mc sandwich
He wants on a tray

Why can’t you see?
You’re plump and blown up
Roach coach approaching
Time to fill up

You lift up the weighs
I hear something pop
Look on the floor
Its large boy he dropped

Why the tight shirts
No one will know
Now starts for me
A jolly good show

Ambulance came
A roaring and screaming
Tight shirt and all
He’s probably not dreaming

Chubby weight lifter
They give him a zap
Oh look on the floor
I think it’s he just crapped

With the stink of fresh bacon
Cold cuts and hot cheese
D-fib’s a cranking
Smokes fillin the breeze

They drop the plump corpse
Hard onto the gurney
What happens now
He’s on his last journey

Weather the pearly gates
Or the hot pits of hell
He’s totally bummed
There’s no Taco Bell

Lifting the weights
With skin tight fit clothes
Try this at home
Where your fat can flow

I end this line now
If you’re ample and plump
Quickly raid the buffet
Fill your arteries with junk

Bone appétit

Waiting in line
To pay for my stiff
When the jack ass behind me
Sneezes with gruff

Along comes a spray
Of jackass cold spittle
I’m going to beat him
Oh just a little

I turn to spy
What spittled at me
When all of the sudden
Sneeze two sprayed at me

Not just salvia
Was sprayed and transported
A nasty gross smell
I soon was contorted

I shot him a look
That was sure soon to kill
When attack number three
Fired with a shrill

Not just the lunch
Was shot out at me
But a piece of chewed bacon
Along with some tea

So I got the jerk back
And spit in his face
Next thing you know
My teeth were replaced

My mouth filled with knuckles
And sneeze snot as well
I pissed him off good
Oh this you could tell

Learn some manners and cover your mouths when you sneeze you scum bags!

Cruising down the highway
And what do I see
Miles of brake lights
Flashing at me

I look to the left
And what do I see
A very pissed driver
Staring at me

I look in the mirror
And what do I see
Some loser singing
Probably off key

I look to the right
And low and behold
A big fat slob
Digging for gold

I look to the front
And what do I see
The person in front
Staring at me

Probably cursing
Or singing off key
Or probably shouting
Stop looking at me

Are these your thoughts?
While on the road
Think long and hard
Lest your brainstem erode

To all you big jerks
That rubberneck often
Remember this poem
And remember it often.

I hate you with passion
This I can say
I'll smash your face good
And laugh all the way

You might say I’m angry
Or even disturbed
That might just be
As I’m really perturbed

Stuck on the road
With no end in sight
Messing with me
You’re soon filled with fright

As the cars start to move
I smile with glee
I press on the gas
And spill my hot tea

Hard boiled eggs
burn hot in my pants
I’ll soon be at work
Boiled balls fresh with rant

I really hate traffic
As much as I you
For you and me both
I’ll end this FU!

When I’m in the bathroom dangling my man root waiting for the stream of what used to be my diet soda to evacuate I hear, "uh...hum!" then a rustle of the feet then cough, cough with a shuffle of the toilet dispenser roll. I think he wants to be alone. Ok, dude, I know you’re in there bronzing some beef medallions so lay off! No sooner do I hear all of this when Colon cowboy comes a strutting out in his shit kickers and walks right out the door.

You could not make this s*%$ up! What the hell is wrong with you people? You make me sick! Allergic to water? How’s about I just hack your grubby hands off and heave them up your ass! Nothing gets me more fuming!

Some information for the ladies. When you go a clubbing and you meet that guy who just asked you to dance well, sad to say ladies, that dude probably has some doodie on his dimple pokers, feces on his fingers, pee on the piano players, you get the point.

So for all you sick bastards that want to piss on your hands and or crap and dash just do us one favor munch on some golf balls, then take a massive dose of laxatives. (Most likely you won't drop dead...but it will make you want to).

Clean your act dumb asses!!!

Ok what are my choices? The over inflated clown that can’t say no to Crom, Terminator remakes or small forgeable cameos or Geriatric Jerry Brown (dancing test tube and taco wagon not included).

Personally, I prefer to have lint run for office. I think we would be in better shape but I digress.

Off to the Governor’s race you go! I know you used to work for eBay but that’s all I hear. Meg Whitman eBay, eBay, eBay!!! Enough already I get it! You used to work for eBay so who gives a crap! What else is new?

If I hear one more add about Meg Whitman and eBay I’m going to throw myself in a chipper, I’m going to pour acid in my ears and eyes, chop my own head off while standing next to a major world leader, jump off the Empire State Building onto a large pile of extra large staples, climb into a meat grinder and take massive dose of pills of my choice (after meat is grinded smash into patty fry on medium heat for about 1 min each side and serve with a side of Jerry Brown) (caution, do not operate heavy machinery after your side of Jerry due to its groovy psychotropic side effects) & slice open my stomach, pull out my intestine and hang myself with them.

Good luck to the both of you nitwits.

I’ve said my peace now piss off!

For thousands of years people have claimed seeing images of faces and silhouettes in clouds, stones, food items and many other things. Sometimes folks come by the thousands just to see an image of face burnt into a piece of toast.

Over the years sightings of Christ and apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary have been common. One person even claimed to see God in a coffee stain!?

So let me get this straight you buffoons think that you see something in a slice of toast or a crap stain on your tighty whitie’s and you think it’s a sign? Yeah, I’ll tell you it’s a sign to get your empty head examined! What the hell is wrong with you people? Don’t you understand how this is supposed to work? Ok, here it is YOU EAT THE FOOD!

If you are staring at the food you probably should not be eating it, how’s about you eat something else like your own foot. Um.... tasty!

You see what you want to see I just see a fool doing something foolish! You might want to check your walls for lead cuz you’re full of crap! Whatever you’re sniffing, smoking, injecting, slamming, huffing, etc I think its melting what little you have left you call a brain.

Tell me what you see in that you jack ass?!

A 23 year old robber miraculously managed to escape death after a taxi driver in self-defense, jabbed him in the head with a knife. The Jagged Edge entered the skull at a depth of 10 centimeters, without touching any of the brain or any major blood vessels. Is it extreme piercing or body art when man gets stabbed in the head and lives?

Call me crazy but where did the knife come from? Never mind I don’t want to know. Here’s justice served hot a fresh. Tired of getting robbed while driving home some inebriated looser back to his house after a hot night of gray goose guzzling? No problem just whip out your butcher knife and slash away!

It warms the cockles of my heart to hear these fantastic stories of pain and suffering. For all you idiots that want to commit crimes keep this story in your head (pun intended). As for me, I say good for the taxi dude. What more could you ask for?

Justice served hot and fresh and aside from the fact that losers like this, will always be committing crimes and other assorted similar brainless acts I say everybody needs to arm themselves with some sharpened steel, blunt objects or anything else that could inflict serious damage.

Bring it on!