RaNdoM Stuff

Driving to work
Not much to say
Not looking forward
To my crapy day

I hate my job
And that’s no lie
I hate it more
Then rapper rich guy

I’m at a red light
Grinding my teeth
Driver beside me
As white as a sheet

One look his way
He flashes a sign
Until the next stop
His ass will be mine

Stupid dumb jerk
His heads a boppin
My fist in his face
Soon he’ll be droppin

I get to the light
He’s rappin with shrill
I get out my car
Fists hard like cold steel

I’m at driver’s side
Ready to smash
He slams on the gas
He’s off in a flash

He smashed my big feet
And compressed my big toe
I limp to my car
Big flat feet in tow

I catch up with him
Big feet are a thumpin
Soon will be filled
His head with some lumpin

His hat to the side
Ghetto music blastin on
The next tune hell hear
Siren blastin with boom gone

I get to his car
He’s wearing gold chains
I pop the door open
Flat feet still in pain

He says where you from?
As I thump, thump away
Out pops gold tooth
His skin turnin grey

Now he’s restin
No longer rappin
Flah’n gang signs
Now he’s nappin

I got new gold chains
And flat feet to boot
And a new golden tooth
Right from the root

If you’re rich and your white
And think you're a gangsta
Take it from me
Your just a big wang'sta

Cool in my car
Jamming the tunes
Rude jerk on bike
Will soon sing the blues

He swerves in my lane
No safety in mind
When I stop the car
His head I will wined

Smash on my horn
He gives me the finger
Soon he will feel
A pain that will linger

I stop in the street
To kick his dumb ass
No big surprise
His jaw was like glass

His friend all a snarl
Lips fast a flapin
His jaw was like glass
He soon was a nappin

Back to my car
I go a struttin
Too bad for them both
They hit my hot button

To all you big jerks
Riding your bikes
The street is for cars
So go take a hike

Stay on the sidewalk
Or in the bike lane
Cuz when if you meet me
You’ll meet with pure pain

Stay out of the street you dense jerks!

Fresh hot made pastries
Dance in his head
While dozens of bon-bons
Melt on his bed

Time to get up
And get a good start
Countless gulped pastries
Some sweet and some tart

Fat jiggles undulating
When out for a walk
He’s better stop strolling
Lest be outlined with chalk

Working out at the gym
Getting my pump on
When I spot something sick
Plump dude, tight shirt on

Blubber jiggles out
From every which way
Fresh big Mack mc sandwich
He wants on a tray

Why can’t you see?
You’re plump and blown up
Roach coach approaching
Time to fill up

You lift up the weighs
I hear something pop
Look on the floor
Its large boy he dropped

Why the tight shirts
No one will know
Now starts for me
A jolly good show

Ambulance came
A roaring and screaming
Tight shirt and all
He’s probably not dreaming

Chubby weight lifter
They give him a zap
Oh look on the floor
I think it’s he just crapped

With the stink of fresh bacon
Cold cuts and hot cheese
D-fib’s a cranking
Smokes fillin the breeze

They drop the plump corpse
Hard onto the gurney
What happens now
He’s on his last journey

Weather the pearly gates
Or the hot pits of hell
He’s totally bummed
There’s no Taco Bell

Lifting the weights
With skin tight fit clothes
Try this at home
Where your fat can flow

I end this line now
If you’re ample and plump
Quickly raid the buffet
Fill your arteries with junk

Bone appétit

Waiting in line
To pay for my stiff
When the jack ass behind me
Sneezes with gruff

Along comes a spray
Of jackass cold spittle
I’m going to beat him
Oh just a little

I turn to spy
What spittled at me
When all of the sudden
Sneeze two sprayed at me

Not just salvia
Was sprayed and transported
A nasty gross smell
I soon was contorted

I shot him a look
That was sure soon to kill
When attack number three
Fired with a shrill

Not just the lunch
Was shot out at me
But a piece of chewed bacon
Along with some tea

So I got the jerk back
And spit in his face
Next thing you know
My teeth were replaced

My mouth filled with knuckles
And sneeze snot as well
I pissed him off good
Oh this you could tell

Learn some manners and cover your mouths when you sneeze you scum bags!

Cruising down the highway
And what do I see
Miles of brake lights
Flashing at me

I look to the left
And what do I see
A very pissed driver
Staring at me

I look in the mirror
And what do I see
Some loser singing
Probably off key

I look to the right
And low and behold
A big fat slob
Digging for gold

I look to the front
And what do I see
The person in front
Staring at me

Probably cursing
Or singing off key
Or probably shouting
Stop looking at me

Are these your thoughts?
While on the road
Think long and hard
Lest your brainstem erode

To all you big jerks
That rubberneck often
Remember this poem
And remember it often.

I hate you with passion
This I can say
I'll smash your face good
And laugh all the way

You might say I’m angry
Or even disturbed
That might just be
As I’m really perturbed

Stuck on the road
With no end in sight
Messing with me
You’re soon filled with fright

As the cars start to move
I smile with glee
I press on the gas
And spill my hot tea

Hard boiled eggs
burn hot in my pants
I’ll soon be at work
Boiled balls fresh with rant

I really hate traffic
As much as I you
For you and me both
I’ll end this FU!

When I’m in the bathroom dangling my man root waiting for the stream of what used to be my diet soda to evacuate I hear, "uh...hum!" then a rustle of the feet then cough, cough with a shuffle of the toilet dispenser roll. I think he wants to be alone. Ok, dude, I know you’re in there bronzing some beef medallions so lay off! No sooner do I hear all of this when Colon cowboy comes a strutting out in his shit kickers and walks right out the door.

You could not make this s*%$ up! What the hell is wrong with you people? You make me sick! Allergic to water? How’s about I just hack your grubby hands off and heave them up your ass! Nothing gets me more fuming!

Some information for the ladies. When you go a clubbing and you meet that guy who just asked you to dance well, sad to say ladies, that dude probably has some doodie on his dimple pokers, feces on his fingers, pee on the piano players, you get the point.

So for all you sick bastards that want to piss on your hands and or crap and dash just do us one favor munch on some golf balls, then take a massive dose of laxatives. (Most likely you won't drop dead...but it will make you want to).

Clean your act dumb asses!!!

Ok what are my choices? The over inflated clown that can’t say no to Crom, Terminator remakes or small forgeable cameos or Geriatric Jerry Brown (dancing test tube and taco wagon not included).

Personally, I prefer to have lint run for office. I think we would be in better shape but I digress.

Off to the Governor’s race you go! I know you used to work for eBay but that’s all I hear. Meg Whitman eBay, eBay, eBay!!! Enough already I get it! You used to work for eBay so who gives a crap! What else is new?

If I hear one more add about Meg Whitman and eBay I’m going to throw myself in a chipper, I’m going to pour acid in my ears and eyes, chop my own head off while standing next to a major world leader, jump off the Empire State Building onto a large pile of extra large staples, climb into a meat grinder and take massive dose of pills of my choice (after meat is grinded smash into patty fry on medium heat for about 1 min each side and serve with a side of Jerry Brown) (caution, do not operate heavy machinery after your side of Jerry due to its groovy psychotropic side effects) & slice open my stomach, pull out my intestine and hang myself with them.

Good luck to the both of you nitwits.

I’ve said my peace now piss off!

For thousands of years people have claimed seeing images of faces and silhouettes in clouds, stones, food items and many other things. Sometimes folks come by the thousands just to see an image of face burnt into a piece of toast.

Over the years sightings of Christ and apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary have been common. One person even claimed to see God in a coffee stain!?

So let me get this straight you buffoons think that you see something in a slice of toast or a crap stain on your tighty whitie’s and you think it’s a sign? Yeah, I’ll tell you it’s a sign to get your empty head examined! What the hell is wrong with you people? Don’t you understand how this is supposed to work? Ok, here it is YOU EAT THE FOOD!

If you are staring at the food you probably should not be eating it, how’s about you eat something else like your own foot. Um.... tasty!

You see what you want to see I just see a fool doing something foolish! You might want to check your walls for lead cuz you’re full of crap! Whatever you’re sniffing, smoking, injecting, slamming, huffing, etc I think its melting what little you have left you call a brain.

Tell me what you see in that you jack ass?!

A 23 year old robber miraculously managed to escape death after a taxi driver in self-defense, jabbed him in the head with a knife. The Jagged Edge entered the skull at a depth of 10 centimeters, without touching any of the brain or any major blood vessels. Is it extreme piercing or body art when man gets stabbed in the head and lives?

Call me crazy but where did the knife come from? Never mind I don’t want to know. Here’s justice served hot a fresh. Tired of getting robbed while driving home some inebriated looser back to his house after a hot night of gray goose guzzling? No problem just whip out your butcher knife and slash away!

It warms the cockles of my heart to hear these fantastic stories of pain and suffering. For all you idiots that want to commit crimes keep this story in your head (pun intended). As for me, I say good for the taxi dude. What more could you ask for?

Justice served hot and fresh and aside from the fact that losers like this, will always be committing crimes and other assorted similar brainless acts I say everybody needs to arm themselves with some sharpened steel, blunt objects or anything else that could inflict serious damage.

Bring it on!

Over the weekend, a golfer's routine swing in the rough at the Shady Canyon Golf Course in Irvine, Calif., struck a rock and started a fire.

Wow, you can’t tell the difference between a rock and a golf ball? I might be a good idea to get your head examined and your eyes checked. I hope you don’t think this text is hieroglyphics.

In the realm of golf I can see in such “high pressure” situations how you could make mistakes like that! Hope there are no gophers on that green you might see a few gopher heads on the green and stuck in trees.

I think you need to down grade to nurf or nothing. When you miss the ball or hit another rock you can take your aggressions on your caddy or nearest fan (if you have any) or even still a baby lying nearby.

Look, this is what dreams are made of. While you relax and play a few rounds of golf you light a golf course on fire. Now of course this makes you look like a complete buffoon but you’ve indirectly created a few jobs. Now you go home and sleep on that while hundreds of charred animal carcasses fertilize the landscape and that great side effect of combustion billows into family’s homes suffocating us.

Someone should put your head on a tee and swing a mac truck at your melon. Much like my dad used to say “think before you speak” I say to you “look before you swing” you crack pot!

FORE!

Driving to toil dire outlook in tote

Anger suppressed deep in my throat

A glance in my mirror and what do I see

Some dim-witted jack-ass tailgating me

I step on the gas to get out of his way

When low and behold

On my ass he did stay

I tried not to think

Or really get mad

C’uz for him in my rear

Things will really get bad

Visions of knuckle bumps

Smashed in his head

In hopes of sir tailgater soon will be dead

I swerve to the left then to the right

When all of the sudden he flashed on his brights

I flipped him the bird

With resentment and shame

A glance in the mirror

Nostrils aflame

This guy wants to die

This I do know

You might want to stay

T’ill the end of the show

I merge on the freeway

Head bout to pop

When all of the sudden

I just want to stop

I smash on the brakes

And hope for the best

Low and behold

He’d soon curse with zest

With a shriek

And a slam

I heard his tires scream

A shine in my eye

His head popped with steam

So tailgate me please

And soon you will see

I’ll smash your face good

And smile with glee

On the way to the hospital

A flying I go

Your Insurance went up

And your car needs a tow

I head to the bank

Crash check in hand

Thinking that was fun

This cost him ten grand

COLUMBUS, Ohio – A resurgence of bedbugs across the U.S. has homeowners and apartment dwellers taking desperate measures to eradicate the tenacious bloodsuckers, with some relying on dangerous outdoor pesticides and fly-by-night exterminators.

Ok, call me crazy but I thought bed bugs were a silly euphemism our parents used to make us crazy when we were still biting ankles. Still afraid to look under the bed at night well don’t you worry there’s something even better crawling in your 1000 stitch spread tonight.

Running out of topics at your afterhours get together after work? Not to worry.
A conversation with your coworker, after slugging a few cocktails, babbles and slurs about wanting to bang his boss while you secretly want to bang your coworker.

Your coworker can’t put a lid on it then the conversation sinks to a new low, he starts hitting on the dude next to him then BANG! Get your eyes off that piece of olive that is dangling from between his teeth and talk about your bed pests.

After he launches his stomach contents and that stubborn piece of olive that is now a permanent fixture on your forehead you have a brand new topic and half digested puke on your face and new shirt.

Cheers to bed bugs you jerks!

For those who have not been to Laguna Beach in California, it is probably one of the most beautiful beach you will visit. I grew up in Orange County most of my life and understand that the sandy beaches is what characterizes O.C. as a spoiled region of California. Ritzy small towns and millionaires flock the county like crows on a corn field. I am blessed to have such proximity and leisure to visit many beaches of O.C. from surf city Huntington Beach down to elegant San Clemente. But Laguna Beach remains as one of my favorite.

I have visited Laguna Beach countless times and still get overwhelmed with the virgin experience inspired by the natural coastline beauty. Weekends are filled with tourists fueled by the Laguna Beach - the Real OC show few years ago. I have to admit, after 20 years of visiting the beach, I too, feel like a tourist at times.

Case in point, I have seen pictures and even posters of an iconic man-made structure called Victoria Tower or Turret. The turret looks like something out of Harry Potter's book. The structure was inspired by 16th century towers of the old English and was built in 1926 according to Laguna historians. The tower was featured in movies and was more functionally used as spiral staircase to view the ocean from above near the top of the cliff. Today, the tower is closed, however the exterior draws many professional photographers and curious tourists to capture a glimpse of an interesting structure that still stands today.

I guess it must be the pounding waves and salt that may have deteriorated some of the turret's skin, but in effect, this gives the turret even a more authentic appeal as if it was built by the English kingdom of yesteryears.

Getting to Victoria Beach is a challenge for most tourists and even locals. Two reason for this is the fact parking is challenging and secondly, there are no signs or indications of such beach along PCH. With that in mind, I myself did some research online along with my personal experience and managed to score few tips. Hope you will find the tips useful if you decide to visit Victoria Beach. It is a sight to behold that is secretive to Laguna Beach. Enjoy!

Google Map to Victoria Beach (Laguna Beach, CA)

Some Tips:

1. Avoid visiting during the weekends. As difficult as it seems, Laguna Beach is overfilled with tourists and locals during the weekends. This adds to the challenge of finding parking more or less even opportunity to feel the beach exclusivity. Try visiting mid-hours during a weekday. A good time will be closer to 5 or 6pm during summer day light times.

2.  There are no public parking available to access Victoria Beach. The beach is situated and enclaved by multi-million dollar homes. Hence, only viable parking is street parking (free) along PCH. Another alternative is take the Laguna Shuttle (which is free during summer season).

3. There are no public restrooms available on the beach. Make sure you have deposited what you have so that you can enjoy the scenery of the beach without the urge to go.

4. The beach crowd is usually light due to its exclusivity and the fact it's not easily accessible. However, this makes the beach even more special and almost private if you will. Getting down to the beach from PCH can be a challenged because there are no signs or any indication such beach exist (unless you look on Google earth). Stay on Victoria Street and you should be able to locate few public access stairways. The walk from PCH to Victoria beach is usually 10-15 minute walk.

5. Be adventurous in getting close to the Victoria Tower, but be advised that high tides and pounding waves can cause serious injury. So be prepared and wear appropriate shoes/clothing. Also be warned, a lifeguard may not be present and caution should be taken if deciding to surf or swim.

6. As usual, have your sunblock on and enjoy an exclusive public beach that many (even the locals) do not know about.



* Please excuse the gloomy photos. The weather was not the most desirable when I visited the beach few days ago. You see, we are not spoiled as you think.

In a recent report from the AP VIENNA – Austria's health ministry is reporting two cases of a new gene that allows bacteria to become a superbug.
a gene, known as NDM-1, infected in two people, whom are believed to have been infected in hospitals abroad.

A statement Friday said a person from Pakistan was released in good health from Graz's university clinic last year after successful treatment. It said another person from Kosovo is still under medical supervision there.

Researchers say the gene — which appears to be circulating widely in India — alters bacteria, making them resistant to nearly all known antibiotics.

Now, this really bugs me. It seems that our fascination with science and the tinkering with genetics I.E. in vitro, cloning, drugs, etc has bitten us in the ass. For peats sake are we even suprised this is happening???

It’s kinda like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Why can’t we leave well enough alone? Can’t we have a baby without drugs or human intervention? Can’t we get through a cold without drugs? What did we do a thousand years ago, holy crap, how did we survive? Look in the mirror we’re here so that tells me we survived without advanced science and genetic blunders.

We ot to be cautious otherwise we could wind up roaming the way of the doe-doe bird. With bird brain scientists that see dollar signs they should be looking at human signs.

Inject yourselves with an inoculation of realism people!

Eat organic, live organic!

Shame on you!

Far be it for me to complain about "big government" that being said I had an interesting chat with a manufactured home owner. She stated that she had to pay a property tax on property she does not even own.

Hold the phone “big cheese” cuz this one really stinks! You’ve gotta be kidding me right!? She also said that on top of the property tax she pays every year she also pays a monthly rent to have her trailer on the private property SHE DOES NOT EVEN OWN!!!

This is going too far and Americans are getting really sick of your crap “big brother!” Why stop there? Let’s keep that tax train-a-chuggin and tax the tax you’re taxing us on. You jerks just don’t understand how resilient we Americans are. You think we will just take a seat and let you suck every last dime out of us, guess again!

Here’s another proposal for a tax you can ram down our gullet tax the air we breathe, the ideas we conceive, the freedom we receive, the success we achieve, the prayers we keep, the tears we weep, the joy we reap, our laughter, our banter, our fear, our joy, our girls and boys, our mothers and fathers, our sins and grins, our Americans that gave their precious lives defending the very freedom you are trying to snatch from us.

Shame on you “Big Government” you need to wake up and smell that disgusting stink that makes us Americans want go heave bacon and baloney.

Oh, you might want to tax this blog as well you jerks!

In a recent report from the AP smoking related illnesses cost Medicare tens of billions of dollars every year. What? You've got to be kidding me! I know most people know that smoking is bad right? No, I don’t think so. It seems that most people that smoke either don't care or are too brainless to be bothered.

In either case the facts are clear. You either stop smoking or you don’t. It’s a free country so if you want to fill your air sacs with toxic smoke knock yourself out. How’s about a blast of Botox for that leathery catchers mitt you call a face from that lovely side effect of smoking.

Here’s a grand way to save taxpayer dollars for the brainstems that just don’t get it. Take a pleasant swan dive into a nice jagged rock off a cliff just off the coast. You get a great view on the way down and you help the environment, fish have to eat to you know.

Bottom line is this. Yeah it’s a free country and you can do what you want but why should I the tax payer have to foot the bill for your ignorance. I should not is the answer.

So as you morons keep sucking away on the cancer sticks, you stick everyone else with the medical bills. Here’s a great proposition try sucking the end of a 357 you’re doing the same thing but it’s just a little bit faster.

Shame on you!

In a recent report there was a woman in a store, which shall remain nameless that was breast feeding her spawn when a customer in the store complained and the mother was asked to stop. First, I hope that was not a dude that complained and second, the dam baby has to gobble so just let him/her chow down for God's sake!

Who really cares if it’s a real boob or a plastic bottle the rug rat is chewing on they need to eat. I think these baboons need to lighten up I mean really!

Shouldn’t we grumble about the jerk-offs who roll up in their cars slap a handicap plaque in the window and jump out of the car with a gym bag in-hand?

Have you seen the picture on the handicap plaque? It’s a dam picture of a person in a wheelchair not a fat old man wearing a tang-top that would fit a five year old. You know who you are jerks!

To wrap up, shut up people! Let mom feed her kid! I think you complaining parasites need lighten up babies need food and “real men” need entertainment and watching babies dangling from mama’s fun bags is worth the ticket of admission. Sick of waiting in endless lines while trying to hide the fact that you were sent to the store to purchase your girls tampons?

You know who you are.

Stick a sock in it! Like you've never seen anything so offensive?

Give me a break! Want to see something unpleasant? Look at your own reflection and see what everybody sees. Most people would try to tell you but can’t get past the urge to hurl there b-fast bagel, fresco and corn chips at you!

You're on time out complainers!

With the recent clash of the heat wave and the subzero A/C at work, something had to give. My sinus and head were filled like the Make-A-Bear stuffed toy. With severe sinus congestion and post nasal drip taking its stand in my head, I had to reach out for some medication (personally I don't like  medicine). So I reluctantly walked into Walgreens and made an over priced purchase of Claritin-D. I heard it's one of the strongest allergy medicine on the market (over the counter), but boy didn't realize how strong and expensive it could be until today. At $10 for 5 pills, my elementary math tells me that's $2 a pill. No wonder the pharmaceutical companies make billions of dollars a day.

Bravely, I decided to try the 24hour relief version of pill (standard is 12 hours). Pseudoephedrine me up baby! For those who don't know, the chemical pseudoephedrine somehow made it into the cautious drug list by the Congress and passed a law called  Combat Methamphetamine Epidemic Act of 2005 ("CMEA"). Apparently it's strong enough to get people high and even alter the body to make athletes perform better. As I write this post, supposedly high on this pill, I can tell you it's not you usual off the shelf medication.

On the Claritin package, it states: "This medication is an antihistamine that treats symptoms such as itching, runny nose, watery eyes, and sneezing from "hay fever" and other allergies. It is also used to relieve itching from hives." I realize I do not have any of those symptoms. However, I solely purchased it for its sinus/nasal decongestant abilities. It clearly states it's for Nasal /Sinus congestion on the box (look below)!

A Strong Decongestant That May Be Worth The Price?

This is the first time I have tried a 24 hour release Claritin-D. This pill must be that blue (actually white) pill everyone is talking about. After swallowing the pill, within ten minutes, I saw Keanu Reeves and a pink easter bunny running across holding hands. I even felt the earth move on its axis. What's in this pill? Does the D stand for delusional?

Unfortunately, I took the pill moments before I left work. With a hour commute ahead of me, I was in for a delightful drive. Half way home, the medication started to kick in. My hands began to mildly shake for some reason with a tinkle and my nasal opened up like the Mississippi delta. But I was beginning to feel slightly airborne (if that makes sense). My head felt wide awake, but my body felt lethargic. I safely made it home (for those concerned). This is not the greatest allergy/nasal medication experience I have encountered. Either the pill is too strong for first timers and it should really be illegal to sell. That reminds me, I need a full bottle of water to counter act my drying mouth.

I can now see why this drug requires an ID validation at the pharmacy counters. I don't promote recreational drug use at all and Claritin really makes it an experience that I will probably not want to endure again. Excuse me, I need to go lie down now. But my sinus does feel much clearer. For those who need something strong and that'll last beyond 3-4 hours of relief, try Claritin-D. But I strongly advise not giving it to your children even though the box states it's okay for the age 12 and up. This is not the pill for the faint of heart, especially if you have not tried other off the shelf decongestants.

Everyone (well almost all living and breathing socialites) seems to have a blog of some sort. So I asked myself, why not me? Am I missing out on something special?

After a millisecond of consideration and reflection... I decided to start my own random blog. So here I am writing my first blog to share with the freaking world or in my case my little own world. I really don't understand the meaning of a blog and why even twitter made its way into a social pinnacle that it is. What losers really follow other people's status online? Are their lives really that mundane and lacking that they must get daily (sometimes hourly) updates about someone else lives? Maybe so.

On that thought, what is the point of my blogs, you ask? Nothing really. No point, no purpose, no meaning...just like everyone else's blog. Wikipedia defines a Blog as such  "Blogs are usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video..." in other words random crap. Thus, my blog title was appropriately named.

I, anxiously and with true low expectations, seek to find out how my blogging experience will entail. I kindly ask you (followers) to embark on my journey of random shit.

See you in an hour...Not!~ haha.